The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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