Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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