We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
