I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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