This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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