maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Two words: blizzard sex
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
