Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
