Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
