Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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