Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
