I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
