we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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