Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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