You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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