even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
