Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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