Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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