he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
