Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You smell like a Billy Joel song
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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