There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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