We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
