Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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