Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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