They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i will never coherently bang her
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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