Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
