All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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