Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
