I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
