FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
