I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
