He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
soo... how was my night?
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