I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize