Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
we're so committed to being not committed
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
