Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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