Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I still have a little drunk in my system
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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