worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
