i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
