Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Apparently you make a good broom.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
