she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
