Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
