if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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