She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
