2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
