I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
