soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We left an ass print on the piano.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
