He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
