I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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