don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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