i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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