i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
