I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
