Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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