We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i think i just lost a toe
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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