Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
