i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
