Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
