'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
