According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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