but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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