I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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