I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
