She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i barfeds in our rink
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
