We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When are your genitals available?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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